Sunday
We apologise to Canon Westcliffe for whatever accident befalls him this evening. And thank the Reader, Doreen, for coincidentally having just the right sermon etc etc. The sack is hidden in the porch at Gt Tremlett, Doreen.
Monday
The vicar returns from his post-Easter holiday.
Blessing of Bovines 10am: Viney’s Dairy, Gt Tremlett
Kid’s Praise – with Revd Nathan, Lt Tremlett 4pm
Annual Parish Meeting, Great Tremlett, 8pm
Tuesday
Revd Nathan’s Day Off
Hare Coursing – Wild Spinney, 7am. If anyone asks, you ain’t seen nothing.
Nursing Home Songs of Praise at St Jude’s the Obscure Nursing Home 2 pm. The vicar will be talking about “Emmaus” though nobody knows or cares who he is.
Mothers’ Union (Lt Tremlett) – Guest Speaker the Vicar. 4pm, Lt Tremlett Hall
Lt Tremlett Cubs 6pm with the vicar who will showing us how to light fires
Annual Parish Meeting, Little Tremlett, 8pm
Wednesday
The vicar will be attending the diocesan seminar, “Preparing for Just Giving up on the Church and leaving the Ministry, at St Slayer’s, Upper Lambslaughter.
Trim Valley Ferret Fanciers 2pm in the Ferretorium. With “Blessing of Ferrets” by the vicar
Funeral: Chelbert Diwock, 3pm at the Crematorium. Chelbert was a man of great quiet personal faith, and a noted raconteur. Is how the vicar will probably put it in his sermon. In fact, he never went to church, had illegitimate children all over the valley, and was a crashing bore all evening in the pub. The landlord at the Quiet Woman is expecting trade to double now he’s gone.
St Mary’s C of E School Governors Meeting, 5pm
Lt Tremlett Guides 6pm with the vicar who will show us a video of when he was a missionary in Ealing
Annual Parish Meeting, Woodby Chapel, 8pm
Thursday
Beating the Bounds, 3pm, Woodby
Lt Tremlett Brownies – “Baking”. After the trouble when Major Tremlett showed us how to make his “special” oatmeal biscuits, the vicar will be teaching us to make rice crispie cakes
Annual Parish Meeting, Grilsby, 8pm
Friday
Grilsby Sheepdog Trials – judged by the vicar. Grilsby Green, noon. If wet, in the Reading Room
Lt Tremlett Scouts 6pm – The vicar will be introducing us to his jazz collection.
Annual Parish Meeting, Woodby, 8pm
Saturday
Deanery Training Day: “Time Management in the Church”. Led by Revd Nathan, 9am – 8pm, Grilsby Parish Hall.
Spring Fayre at Woodby Chapel. To be opened by the vicar at 12 noon
” Saturday Fun” for the over 80s. To be opened in prayer by the vicar, 12 noon.
Woodby Chapel Tea 6pm – to be held this year at the vicarage. Thanks to Revd Nathan for looking after us, even when his wife won’t be around to bake the cakes as she’s staying on holiday until they move.
.
”Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews” The book to make you laugh, think or possibly gnaw the back of the pew in front. Written by the creator of the Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley. With cartoons by Dave Walker.
Writes of the Church 
No wonder Rev’d Nathan is moving. He has been used and abused so much by the Trim Valley Benefice, I’m surprised that he isn’t retiring wounded. If I were him (thankfully I’m not( I’d borrow a shotgun and go around the troublesome parishioners before I left and settle a few scores.
Failing that, a bucket of sheeps blood being painted on the entrance to all homes, where parishioners have supported Rev’d Nathan in his ministry, so that when the plagues from the Lord strike the unworthy, they will be taken with a vengeance, If it was good enough for Egypt, it must be good enough for the Trim Valley Benefice.
LikeLike