Letters to the Church Magazine – March 2014

Dear Sir

I noticed that Little Gunnershall and other parishes in the “Tweenies” Benefice now have a woman priest. Where will this end? Women bishops, that is where. Nobody has yet seen the threat of this slippery slope where we are standing – but, within 100 years or so, this could well happen. I am surprised the Media has not taken an interest.

Yours etc

Tom Cobley-Anhall, “Tweezers”, Grilsby-on-the-Hill

Dear Sir

I am allergic to the Vicar’s labrador retriever. If he will not have the animal varnished, or at least regularly shaved, I shall have to stop hanging around the Vicar’s house. I have been spying on the activities of the vicars of GT Tremlett, gathering evidence for the Archdeacon, since 1974. Now this tradition may be at an end.

Only last week, the hound caught me hiding in the vicarage shoe cupboard, trying to take a recording of the PCC meeting. Not only did I have to endure an hour of violent sneezing, but the hound also slobbered all over me. I shall be sending a bill for dry cleaning to the Parish Treasurer.

Yours etc

Sibelius Bunce, Cold Lane

Dear Sir

Even though it is now Lent, Cadburys are still selling their ” Creme Eggs”. I ate four last week. This is disgusting. There should be a law.

Yours etc

Major J Dumpling, “Rodney’s Rest”, Lt Tremlett

Dear Sir

I see that the grass has now been cut in the churchyard.

However, the operation took place at 2 o’clock in the afternoon, when people on night shift could be asleep. Can do church wardens be more considerate in future?

Solomon Snodgrass, Station Road

Dear Sir

When I was in hospital last week, the Vicar came to see me. Can you thank him for me?

Yours etc

Sharon Shale, Briar Close

Dear Sir

We at Woodby Chapel End have never shied away from our ecumenical responsibilities. When the Wesleyan Chapel closed in 1984, we welcomed our Methodist brothers and sisters (well, five sisters, in point of fact) with open arms. We subscribed to being part of a Local Ecumenical Project (trendy and, apparently, the way forward in those days). And we changed our pattern of worship – embracing our membership of the Circuit, only receiving communion once a month, and alternating Hymns and Psalms with Hymns Ancient and Modern,

The last Methodist in the congregation died in 1993. I think it might be OK if we brought incense back now. Also, I think it’s time we got out of the Circuit. Old Ned Firkin is the only local preacher who “understands Anglicans”, in his own words. So they only ever send Ned. And he’s preached the same sermon once a fortnight since the Millennium.

Yours etc

Divinity Green, Cross Lane, Woodby.

Dear Sir

I would like to thank the Vicar publicly for his sermon two weeks ago on ” Temptation and Sin”. It made me a better person. Although that talk banged on for twenty minutes, and included a poor exposition of the “real meaning” of the root of a  κοινή  Greek word – and several sermon illustrations of family life that made me feel slightly ill – I at no point rushed to the pulpit and threw him out.

I feel I have faced temptation, but not lapsed into sin.

Yours etc

Irene Green, “Salem House”, Peace Lane

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