January 2015

Dear Sir

I notice that, as advertised previously, a row of coniferous trees have been planted along the northern edge of Gt Tremlett churchyard.

I have lived in Great Tremlett for more than 70 years, and nothing has ever grown on the north side of the churchyard. Indeed, when I was a child we used to believe that the north side was “accursed of God and nothing, shriven or unshriven, shall thrive.. Not a place for resting, or staying alive.”

I have no idea what this meant, but it made a powerful impression on me. Believe me, nothing will come of this tampering with nature.

Yours etc,

Fennel Bailey, The Old Orchard House.

Dear Sir

Where will this tinkering with the traditional liturgy end? We had only just got used to the Book of Common Prayer, and it was replaced with the Alternative Service Book. Now I discover that the “ASB”, as the young people call it, is obsolete already! I know the vicar tells us that the new Common Workshop, as I believe it is called, is suitable for creating the so-called “Service Leaflets” that we are now handed every Sunday morning. But what, I ask you, is wrong with a solid, serviceable book? In a nice leather binding. The sort of thing that Our Lord might have expected to be passed, on a Sunday morning, when attending Mattins or – if a special feast day – Holy Communion in Nazareth.

Yours etc

Dolores Measle, “Chafing”, Old Street, Woodby

Dear Sir

I am told that somebody has decided that we need to have a Church “Website”.

I think this is really exciting. The church has to move with the times, and this is just the way to do it. By putting the details of our services, ideally with a photograph or even photographs of the buildings onto the Internet – if we can afford more than one photograph – we will be reaching out to a new generation. Especially if we could include really detailed architectural histories.

Unfortunately I do not have reliable access to the Internet. This is mostly because I do not own a computer. So I think what would be best would be if somebody could print off the church website, and maybe post it to those of us who have not yet made the investment in this new technology? If the website is a success, maybe we could print it off, copy it and post it to every house in the benefice. Naturally, to save post, it would be best if the Vicar could do this. I expect he already visits every house each month.

Yours etc

Chesney Peterson, Walnut Grove, Lt Tremlett

Dear Sir

Now that Christmas is over, some reflections on the season.

I thought the choir, as ever, struggled on wonderfully well despite being such poor natural singers. It as a real tribute to the work of my husband, Corin, who as organist is brave enough to push on with such substandard basic material.

Likewise the vicar. Although in his case, it is fair to say that the substandard basic material was his own sermons. Still, he kept a brave face and soldiered on.

The Nativity Play is always a highlight for me. This year, however, it was somewhat of a disappointment. I know that dear Clarice puts her heart and soul into it, but she will never have the touch and insight necessary to inspiring the little darlings to do their best. I know that my mother, Mrs Charnelhouse, would not have approved. In the 45 years that she produced the Nativity, she was always fastidious in ensuring that the children did their best – on one occasion actually inserting a coat hanger into “Joseph’s” coat behind his shoulders, to enable him to stand up straight – as indeed Our Lord’s very own stepfather must have done – and not to slouch.

Yours etc

Ciara Meringe, The Old Stables, Gt Tremlett

Dear Sir

What a lovely Christmas Nativity Play that was! Seeing the little ones so nervous, and yet so proud as they told us the greatest story every told! And what a nice twist – the baby Jesus receiving a Frozen doll along with the more traditional gifts. You have to move with the times, while keeping the important ingredients of the season.

Although I am a regular Christmas attendee, I will certainly be joining the congregation more often in the New Year!

Yours etc

Jasmine Jones, “Chitterings”, Wheezy Lane, Gt Tremlett

Dear Sir

This morning I took a trip to London and, while awaiting a friend whom I was due to meet in Gordon Square, I took the opportunity to visit the Petrie Egyptian Museum, in the University College.

I was astounded. Some of the pottery in that museum is from earlier than 4500 BC. Why did the Egyptians not tell Moses before he left the country? Working out the start of the world as 4004BC as he does in Genesis – it makes him look like he could not do history properly.

Yours etc

Major J Dumpling, “Rodney’s Rest”, Lt Tremlett

Dear Sir

As we look forward to the New Year, I have once again been moved to poetry. I have composed the following – “The New Year”

The last home-comer from their feast
Now sleeps a New Year’s sleep
So happy seems the shining ray
Of hope upon a New Year’s Day.

The year is at the turn
And frozen stands the rimy pond
And last year’s leaves lie on the turf
Fallen from the trees that gave them birth.

The huddled pigeons shiver
In the spinney where the hungry fox
Prowls and waits for them to sleep
The fearful pheasants cheep.

As over the hill-top strides
The hunter with his gun so fierce
The pheasants fly up to the skies
Then crash down with such fearful cries!

The watery sun rises upon
A frosty and a fiery scene
Little rabbits cowering from the badgers which
Will crush and devour them in the ditch.

And that new shining New Year sun?
That’s doomed as well.
Dark eternal will fall across the world.
Death, death death death!
Death, death death death!
Death, death death death!
Death, death death death!

Wishing you all a happy and prosperous New Year.

Yours etc

Mellissa Sparrow (Mrs), The Hollow, Grilsby-on-the-Hill