If the Vicar is so close to God, how come he only has that bashed-up Astra that’s always breaking down? Elijah got a chariot of fire.
Bill Bones, Chapel Lane, Woodby Chapel End
Thanks for the Vicar’s sermon on Bible Sunday.
I’d wondered what that book was that people were always reading out of.
Jermaine Morris, Duck Lane, Gt Tremlett
No need to worry about hedgehogs in the bonfire at Sunday’s “Hymns and Fireworks.” I’ll make sure they’re all safely removed by Sunday morning.
And they are such a cheap and nutritious meal.
Ask no questions….
“The Masked Avenger”
Isn’t it about time we put the Christmas Decorations up in church? When I left the Hanged Man Inn at midnight last night, they were putting them up as fast as they could take the latex skeletons and fake corpses down. Why is the Church always so behind the times?
Nicholas Snowtime, “Yule Cottage”, Lt Tremlett
I would like to thank everyone who turned up to buy my jam at last week’s Tabletop sale. However I did make rather a lot of jars this year due to a glut of blackberries, and so people can be assured there is plenty left!
In fact the sooner they buy it, the better. There is so much of it, it is currently blocking the entrance to the church. They had to hold the service in the churchyard last week and the weather is getting worse.
Jennifer Eccles-Cayke, Homely Cottage, Grilsby-on-the-Hill
All Souls’ Day is the most poignant service of the year – even when transferred for convenience to the Saturday after the actual day. I look forward to celebrating it on Saturday, before All Saints’ on Sunday.
But the All Souls’ Day of years gone by was different, and spiritually far more striking. The children of the parish used to ascend from the Crypt with a skull each – each with a candle stuck to the top – and then process solemnly to the High Altar, where Father Francis would scream at them that they should repent before the day they themselves were lain in their grave.
It has stuck with me my entire life. Especially in my inability to walk downstairs in the dark under any circumstances. Who knows what is lurking?
Ah, times are no longer what they were.
Chas “Charlie” Charkles, Hanged Man’s Close, Gt Tremlett.
Next time the vicar emails the people of the benefice and members of the Deanery Synod asking if anyone has a spare “Songs And Hymns of Fellowship Combined, Complete and No More Songs Needed Before the Second Coming”, could he not include everyone’s email in the “to” column?
Or if he does, could the recipients not “Reply All”?
I am still getting an email saying “No, sorry” every thirty seconds. And he sent the original email last week.
Solomon Snodgrass, Station Road, Gt Tremlett.
Liturgical dance is bad enough as it is. But can you please ask Dora to remove the pole from the chancel?
Major J Dumpling, “Rodney’s Rest”
This is a blatant plug once again for the book that came from this blog – “Writes of the Church.” A very suitable Christmas present, and small enough to be smuggled into any church meeting in a handbag or large-ish pocket, to while away the hours.
As of writing this letter it is selling out on Amazon (with more on the way) but can also be obtained from its very excellent publishers, the Bible Reading Fellowship.
People ask why the vicar allows this kind of advertising in the Church Magazine. But the answer is that he’s scared of Archdruid Eileen.
Solomon Snodgrass, Station Road, Gt Tremlett
Once again the Vicar removed my advertisement for the Samhain Coven from the church notice sheet. Anybody would think he didn’t approve of us dancing naked around a bonfire while worshipping the Goddess.
This is clearly not the Church of England I grew up in.
Mildred Flossett (Mothers’ Union Branch Secretary), Jasmine Road, Gt Tremlett
I used to live just by the river, in a dis-used factory just off the Wicker
The river flowed by day after day
“One day” I thought, “One day I will follow it” but that day never came.
Samantha Giblings, Church Green, Woodby
Time for another of my famous “vicar” jokes.
What’s black and white and in a 4-hour School Governors’ Meeting?
The Vicar on his day off because he just couldn’t leave it.
Tom Chancellor, Primrose Path, Woodby
I feel that all my suggestions for the 500th Anniversary of the Reformation have been ignored.
In particular, my ritual burning of the Pope on Guzzler’s Field. Nobody from any of the Church of England parishes attended. Just a few Catholics.
Dr Sandra Ireland, “Dunphlebbin’”, Great Tremlett
A poem for All Souls
And so the year comes round to Sad November
We light our candles and remember.
The ones we miss from years gone by
For days now gone, we softly cry.
Yellowing leaves fall through the air
Joining their mulchy forebears from last year
And so shall we.
Ask not for whom the Bell tolls
And also thee.
Death Death Death
Death Death Death
Death Death Death
Wishing you a peaceful All Souls Day.
Mellissa Sparrow (Mrs), The Hollow, Grilsby-on-the-Hill