Christmas Service Rota

Fri 22nd

School Nativity – Lt Tremlett – 2 pm

Christingle – Gt Tremlett 6 pm

Nativity – Grilsby on the Hill 8 pm

Sat 23rd

Christingle – Lt Tremlett – 2 pm

Nativity – Woodby – 3.30 pm

Candlelight Carol Service – Woodby Chapel – 5 pm

Christingle – Woodby – 7 pm

Christmas Eve

Communion (Advent 4) – Gt Tremlett 8 am

Eucharist – Lt Tremlett – 9.15 am

Morning Communion – Grilsby on the Hill – 10.30 am

Carols and Mince Pies – Woodby Chapel – 12 noon

Carol Service – Woodby – 2 pm

Christingle – Grilsby on the Hill – 4 pm

Nativity – Lt Tremlett – 5.30 pm

Blessing of the Crib – Gt Tremlett – 7 pm

Midnight Mass – Woodby Chapel End – 8.30 pm

Midnight Mass – Grilsby on the Hill – 10 pm

Midnight Mass – Lt Tremlett – 11.30 pm

Christmas Day

Mass of the Dawn – Gt Tremlett – 7.30 am

Christmas Morning Eucharist – Woodby Chapel – 8.15 am

Christmas Morning Communion – Lt Tremlett – 9 am

Christmas Communion – Grilsby on the Hill – 10 am

Christmas Day Eucharist – Woodby – 11.15 am
Please note that Revd Nathan is expecting to be unwell between Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve.

.

escaped donkey


Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

 

An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. And don’t forget it’s nearly Christmas!

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Trim Valley Notices w/c 26 November

Please note that it is not Christmas, and the local Residents’ Association is vicious. Last year they raided three houses for putting up Christmas lights before Gaudete Sunday. Don’t chance it.

Sunday – Christ the King

Please do not touch the sheep (or goats) that we will be using at the service at St Mary’s. We need them calm or Jeb will be cleaning the church floor for weeks.

Monday

Christmas Carol Service planning meeting – Great Tremlett Church Hall 6pm

Nativity Service planning meeting – Little Tremlett Church Hall 7pm

Christingle Service planning meeting – Woodby Church Hall 8pm

Please pray for the Vicar who has to be at all of them.  Apparently.

Tuesday

Beer and Carols planning meeting – The Hanged Man 6pm

9 Lessons and Carols planning meeting – Grilsby Church Hall

Holiday Club planning meeting – Woodby Chapel End Reading Room

We have no idea why Woodby Chapel End are holding this meeting. Not only is it 8 months till they are planning this event – there aren’t any children in the village. 

Wednesday

Toddlers Group meet at 2pm, Little Tremlett Church Hall. We do not know how the toddlers have organised this, and we’re quite scared.

Thursday

Open House at “Rodney’s Rest” Mrs Dumpling is going shopping in London, and this is her best chance of getting what is essentially baby sitting for Major James. Please supply your own drink, as there’s no way James will have any left.

Friday 

The Mobile Library visits. Why not borrow some excellent spiritual reading in preparation for Advent? Because the “Religion and Spirituality” section consists of a book on Dowsing and “The Road Less Travelled”, that’s why. Ironically, for a mobile library.

Saturday

The annual Tea Cosy Stall during coffee morning at Little Tremlett. Please come and buy a tea cosy. Nobody even has a tea pot these days, but Angela’s been knitting them since last Advent and it makes her feel useful.

Sunday – Advent 1

Note this Sunday that the first and second candles to be lit are purple. We will light the pink candle on the third Sunday. Anybody smirking at the expression “the pink candle” should grow up. We do not light the pink candle on the fourth Sunday of Advent for Our Lady “because she’s a girl.” That’s not how it works.


Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. And don’t forget it’s nearly Christmas!
escaped donkey

Trim Valley Notices w/c 19 November

Writes of the Church: The Paperback

Please note that many surfaces are slippy due to the cold weather. Also that, preempting a hard winter, Jeb has dug a few graves “to be ready”. Some are quite near church paths, so try not to make the Vicar’s life more ” efficient.”

Sunday

Baptism at Gt Tremlett of the Daniels family: Chardonnay, Brandy, the twins Lambrini and Lambrusco, and little Jack. The police have already put in security measures round the Hanged Man ready for the party.

Monday

Do you have an interest in the preservation of ancient church fixtures and a passing knowledge of canon law? If so can you stay away from Woodby Church Building Committee? You’re just the sort of well-meaning annoyance they don’t need as they plan the removal of the bell tower.

Tuesday

Scouts meet in the hall. Warning: tonight’s presentation “How I Survived in the Wilderness” by Mr Lamb-Steakes contains vivid smartphone footage of him cutting off his own foot with a tin opener.

Wednesday

“Poetic Legacies” in Grilsby Hall. The Vicar will be begging for you to remember the church, while Melissa Sparrow will be reading a selection of her poetry to focus your minds on how soon death can come.

Thursday

Choir Practice at Little Tremlett. It’s only six weeks to Christmas and surely they’ll get to grips with “The Coventry Carol this time?”

Friday

Trim Valley Trotters will be taking the 4x4s down the bridle paths to Banbury in their annual act of wanton vandalism. They’re sorted. They’re gripped. And the paths won’t be usable till April.

Saturday

Wedding of Sarah Gull and James Mellor, Lt Tremlett 1pm. And we’ve heard the village gossip. It’s no use tittering and saying “bet she’s in throughout family way, marrying in November.” They’ve got 4 kids and have been living together since 1994.

Trim Valley Notices w/c 12 November

Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews

Sunday

Please remember that no poppies are to be worn at the Remembrance Services today. Last year an argument broke out between the people wearing red poppies and those wearing white. We promised ourselves we never want to see that kind of bloodshed again.

Monday

Benefice Mission Committee meeting cancelled. they just can’t raise the energy to get together. So going out into the world making disciples is going to be quite a stretch.

Tuesday

Trim Valley Ringers – handbell practice in Grilsby Church Hall. This week’s arrangement will be an Anglican version of an old Prodigy favourite: “Smack my Bishop.”

Wednesday

Lt Tremlett PCC 8pm. The heating has gone in the hall, so please bring a pail of coal and a sleeping bag.

Thursday

80s Disco Nite at Woodby, 8 till late (about 9.30). The St John’s ambulance will be there and we’ve got the new defibrillator. So put on your knee brace, get some heat into your joints and come along with the Eye of the Tiger! Are “friends” electric? Well their mobility buggies certainly are!

Friday

Sub-committee for looking into the reducing the number of committees will be meeting from 8 till 10. Last time they met they suggested setting up another committee to define the other committees’ terms and references. So that will be meeting next week.

Saturday 

Pre-Advent Fayre, Gt Tremlett. After last year when we had to declare a 20″ exclusion zone, the scented candles stall will be outside. Mavis will be running the slightly-broken nick-nacks stall for the 70th year running. Can someone please buy that china shepherdess? It’s been there for the full history of the stall.

 

 

Trim Valley Notices w/c 5 November

Child Bishop

If you feel called to be Child Bishop, please write to the Vicar by 21st November explaining why. The Medieval Church had a long tradition of Boy Bishops at Christmas time. Which is why we’re only accepting applications from girls. Another 400 years until we’ve restored the balance.

Sunday 

6pm, The Vicarage: Hymns and Fireworks.  Join us as we praise God before burning a Roman Catholic in effigy to give thanks that a bunch of his friends were publically disembowelled. Try not to think of that too much as we join in the Faith Sausage Barbecue.

Monday 

2pm: We will be praying for the vicar to receive the gifts he needs to lead us. Please bring a list, although if anyone comes without, we will be able to provide one. At Dunphlebbin’.

Tuesday

Grilsby PCC meets. 8pm in the Church Hall. Important agenda item as the Mission Committee tells us the result of their recent Strategy Day. Apparently we may as well accept the church is going to have to close when we’re all dead.

Wednesday

Trim Valley Interfaith Chip Supper. 7pm at Gt Tremlett Hall. So that’s a bunch of Anglicans and a dozen pagans. We would have a Daoist as well. But he’ll be busy running the chip shop.

Thursday

“Faith in the Workplace” seminar was due to be held at 11am in the Diocesan Training Room. This is cancelled due to lack of interest.

Friday 

10am, Banburyshire Crematorium: The funeral of Meryl Flint. We used to say he was a dear old soul and all the complaining was just an endearing and amusing front! It turns out in fact that he really did hate us. The service will be conducted by a Humanist celebrant. Nobody from the Church is to go. Please send flowers to Marcia Flint, at Belladonna Cottage, Woodby Chapel End. They’re not for the funeral. They’re for Marcia. 60 years she put up with him. She must be a saint.

Saturday

The Safeguarding Team meets at 10am. Join us as we go through the Electoral Roll and discuss who we reckon we ought to keep an eye on.

Letters to the Church Magazine : November 2017

Dear Sir

If the Vicar is so close to God, how come he only has that bashed-up Astra that’s always breaking down? Elijah got a chariot of fire.

Yours etc

Bill Bones, Chapel Lane, Woodby Chapel End


Dear Sir

Thanks for the Vicar’s sermon on Bible Sunday.

I’d wondered what that book was that people were always reading out of.

Yours etc

Jermaine Morris, Duck Lane, Gt Tremlett


Dear Sir

No need to worry about hedgehogs in the bonfire at Sunday’s “Hymns and Fireworks.” I’ll make sure they’re all safely removed by Sunday morning.

And they are such a cheap and nutritious meal.

Ask no questions….

Yours,

The Masked Avenger”


Dear Sir

Isn’t it about time we put the Christmas Decorations up in church? When I left the Hanged Man Inn at midnight last night, they were putting them up as fast as they could take the latex skeletons and fake corpses down. Why is the Church always so behind the times?

Yours etc

Nicholas Snowtime, “Yule Cottage”, Lt Tremlett 


Dear Sir

I would like to thank everyone who turned up to buy my jam at last week’s Tabletop sale. However I did make rather a lot of jars this year due to a glut of blackberries, and so people can be assured there is plenty left!

In fact the sooner they buy it, the better. There is so much of it, it is currently blocking the entrance to the church. They had to hold the service in the churchyard last week and the weather is getting worse.

Yours etc

Jennifer Eccles-Cayke, Homely Cottage, Grilsby-on-the-Hill


Dear Sir

All Souls’ Day is the most poignant service of the year – even when transferred for convenience to the Saturday after the actual day. I look forward to celebrating it on Saturday, before All Saints’ on Sunday.

But the All Souls’ Day of years gone by was different, and spiritually far more striking. The children of the parish used to ascend from the Crypt with a skull each – each with a candle stuck to the top – and then process solemnly to the High Altar, where Father Francis would scream at them that they should repent before the day they themselves were lain in their grave.

It has stuck with me my entire life. Especially in my inability to walk downstairs in the dark under any circumstances. Who knows what is lurking?

Ah, times are no longer what they were.

Yours etc

Chas “Charlie” Charkles, Hanged Man’s Close, Gt Tremlett.


Dear Sir

Next time the vicar emails the people of the benefice and members of the Deanery Synod asking if anyone has a spare “Songs And Hymns of Fellowship Combined, Complete and No More Songs Needed Before the Second Coming”, could he not include everyone’s email in the “to” column?

Or if he does, could the recipients not “Reply All”?

I am still getting an email saying “No, sorry” every thirty seconds. And he sent the original email last week.

Yours etc

Solomon Snodgrass, Station Road, Gt Tremlett.


Dear Sir

Liturgical dance is bad enough as it is. But can you please ask Dora to remove the pole from the chancel?

Yours etc

Major J Dumpling, “Rodney’s Rest”


Dear Sir

This is a blatant plug once again for the book that came from this blog – “Writes of the Church.” A very suitable Christmas present, and small enough to be smuggled into any church meeting in a handbag or large-ish pocket, to while away the hours.

As of writing this letter it is selling out on Amazon (with more on the way) but can also be obtained from its very excellent publishers, the Bible Reading Fellowship.

People ask why the vicar allows this kind of advertising in the Church Magazine. But the answer is that he’s scared of Archdruid Eileen.

Yours etc

Solomon Snodgrass, Station Road, Gt Tremlett


Dear Sir

Once again the Vicar removed my advertisement for the Samhain Coven from the church notice sheet. Anybody would think he didn’t approve of us dancing naked around a bonfire while worshipping the Goddess.

This is clearly not the Church of England I grew up in.

Yours etc

Mildred Flossett (Mothers’ Union Branch Secretary), Jasmine Road, Gt Tremlett


Dear Sir

I used to live just by the river, in a dis-used factory just off the Wicker
The river flowed by day after day
“One day” I thought, “One day I will follow it” but that day never came.

Yours etc

Samantha Giblings, Church Green, Woodby


Dear Sir

Time for another of my famous “vicar” jokes.

What’s black and white and in a 4-hour School Governors’ Meeting?

The Vicar on his day off because he just couldn’t leave it.

Yours etc

Tom Chancellor, Primrose Path, Woodby


Dear Sir

I feel that all my suggestions for the 500th Anniversary of the Reformation have been ignored.

In particular, my ritual burning of the Pope on Guzzler’s Field. Nobody from any of the Church of England parishes attended. Just a few Catholics.

Yours etc

Dr Sandra Ireland, “Dunphlebbin’”, Great Tremlett


Dear Sir

A poem for All Souls

And so the year comes round to Sad November
We light our candles and remember.
The ones we miss from years gone by
For days now gone, we softly cry.
Yellowing leaves fall through the air
Joining their mulchy forebears from last year

And so shall we.
Ask not for whom the Bell tolls
Tis thee.
And thee.
And also thee.

Death Death Death
Death Death Death
Death Death Death
Death.

Wishing you a peaceful All Souls Day.

Mellissa Sparrow (Mrs), The Hollow, Grilsby-on-the-Hill