Trim Valley Notices w/c 25 Feb 2018


This evening’s services are cancelled in anticipation of the “Beast from the East”. You can’t be too careful.


Tremlett St Mary’s School closed for the week due to the “Beast from the East”. Health and Safety concerns must be uppermost.

Trim Valley Bridge Club: 8pm in the Reading Room, Woodby. Please bring your own refreshments and 50p for the meter.


If the “Beast from the East” is really set in, the traditional Trim Valley Ice Race will be run from Grilsby-on-the-Hill to Little Tremlett Mill Pond at 11am. We’ve not had the Ice Race since 2013. And 4 people died. So please ensure your insurance includes “Stupidly Dangerous Sports” cover. And remember to duck at London Road Bridge. That was carnage last time. Survivors will receive a free drink at the Quiet Woman. If the weather is good, transferred to Friday. Don’t forget your tea tray!


Trim Valley Trotters will be taking their annual 9 mile “Snowdrop” walk through Trim Valley Forest. 8am from the Hanged Man, ending at Grilsby Church. Ensure your location is visible to your families through your choice of phone tracking app, and you are wearing hi vis so you can be seen by helicopters. Do not join the event in light clothing, still damp from a hot bath and with a bottle of absinthe for warmth. Major Dumpling, we are thinking of you.


Prayer meeting for the future of our benefice will be held via Skype, due to the Beast from the East. For those who don’t have Skype (about 90% at a guess), stay at home and think good things.


Aunt Sally Evening in the Quiet Woman: Tremlett vs The Valley. This late winter challenge against the elements has been taking place in the pub garden since 1894. And we don’t see why a bit of cold weather should stop it.


Jumble Sale, Little Tremlett: Postponed due to Beast from the East.

Walsingham Cell Communion, Great Tremlett: Cancelled due to the Beast from the East.


All services cancelled in anticipation of the Beast from the East. You can’t be too careful.


Trim Valley Notices: w/c 11/2

Sunday 11

Please note that our friend from the Methodists, Revd Matthias Marwood, will be leading the communion service at Woodby Chapel. In keeping with our interpretation of the Synod vote, he will be wearing a special stole bearing the words “I am a temporary anomaly”.

Monday 12

Our ecumenical meeting with the Society of Friends has been cancelled. Turns out they’re barely acquaintances.

Tuesday 13

Please remember that it is Revd Nathan’s day off. Accordingly we will be playing the traditional Trim Valley game of wondering what events he will be at that he shouldn’t.  Colloquially known as “Where’s Wally?”

Wednesday 14

As everybody insisted it’s always happened at their place, the Ashing Services will be held at:

Gt Tremlett (17:30)
Lt Tremlett (18:15)
Woodby (19:00)
Woodby Chapel (20:00)
Grilsby on the Hill (20:45)

Current spread betting odds on how many will attend are as follows:

0-10: 3/1
11-19: 2/1
20-25: Evens
26-30: 3/1
31+: 100/1

NB the Banbury Road Garage is closed all day. They’re not going anywhere. They just think it’s funny to video all the sweaty, terrified husbands looking through the windows at the cards and flowers.

Thursday 15

Tremlett Mother’s Union are delighted to welcome Mr Anthony Derriman, who will be speaking to us on “Social Darwinism and the Brechtian Paradigm”. Followed by tea and coffee. 6pm, Lt Tremlett Hall.

Friday 16

A Service of Forgiveness for all the husbands who were in the Hanged Man when they realised it was Valentines Day on Wednesday, so ran to the garage to find it was closed, but were over the limit so they couldn’t drive to Banbury Tescos, so they stole some daffodils out of the graveyard and pressed one for the front of the card.

At least, that’s what we should have held last year, wasn’t it, Barry?


124th annual football match between The Tremletts and The Woodbys. Since the average age of the Woodby team is now 85, this will be conducted via the medium of Subbuteo.

Trim Valley Notices: w/c 4 February


Please note that, after Mildred Flossett’s quite unexpected religious activity at Imbolc, we are introducing a “no nudity” rule in Great Tremlett Church. Not least because it’s so cold in there, they had to rub her coven down with surgical alcohol to restore them to some semblance of consciousness. And nobody wants to do that again.


All church events cancelled due to Revd Nathan watching the Superbowl.


In the light of the vicar’s resignation, the “An Improved Incumbent” working committee will be meeting at Dr Ireland’s house. Please bring an axe to grind and a chip for your shoulder.


What could reunion with the Methodist Church mean in the Trim Valley? We’d be holding a meeting with our local Methodist congregation at 8pm in Woodby Chapel if Mrs Jones hadn’t died in 1994.


There is a chance that Little Tremlett Stores may close to be sold for housing.  Join us to protest against the closure of our local amenities! For further information contact Jervaise Eagle, the Old Post Office, Woodby.


1st Trim Valley Cubs 7pm, Woodby Chapel. Surely this week we’ll find out where they’ve put Akela?


Spring Fayre, 11am, Gt Tremlett. If weather bad, to be held in Spring instead.