Notices w/c 22 October


Note that due to “Brian”, Grilsby Church Hall is out of action.

Not Storm Brian. Brian Boscastle. Angela has thrown him out again and he’s holed up with 15 cold pizzas and a few bottles of “Speckled Hen”. Banburyshire Police will sort it out just as soon as they’ve got the dog back.


Can you tell the difference between a gargoyle and a grotesque?

Well, nobody else can. Stop being so smug and get down to St Mary’s Gt Tremlett, where we’re cleaning up the gargoyles

Or possibly the grotesques.


Sanatogen Tasting Society – 7pm, St Mary’s Retirement Home.


Lt Tremlett Church Book Stall. It’s so long since we sold a book, some are verifiable antiques. Please come and buy one.

We’re so lonely.


Square Dance at Gt Tremlett Church Hall.

Rival Triangular Dance at the URC. The Ecumenical Movement has truly failed.


Do you believe in Equal Marriage in the Church of England?

Then don’t mention the fact to Dr Ireland. She’ll be livid


Some kind of Autumn Fayre somewhere. It always is, let’s face it. Just drive around the villages. I can’t be bothered to check it. Maybe one of the churches has it on their Facebook page? Nah – only joking.


Notices w/c 8 October


This afternoon’s Pet Service to include Imposition of Huskies


Cake sale 2pm at Grilsby. Please no more cakes made with brandy. Major Dumpling’s cake still exploded last week.


“Trim Valley Trotters” walk from the car park to the bar of the Hanged Man. Sure, it’s lacking in ambition. But we find this is the most popular route at this time of year.


Tremlett Camera Club’s evening of nude photography cancelled. They think being nude to take photos is a bit odd.


“Friends of Woodby Chapel” meeting cancelled. Turns out it hasn’t got any.


Table Top Sale, 2pm Grilsby-on-the-Hill Church Hall. Do you need a new table top? This is just the place!


7pm – In aid of St Mary’s, Great Tremlett – a Cheese and Whine Evening. Why not loosen your inhibitions and moan about the Vicar?

Trim Valley Church Notices w/c 24 September

Sunday 24

The service at Woody will be approximately an hour late in starting while we dig the church out. We don’t know who thought a lorry load of pumpkins was an appropriate Harvest gift. But dumping them outside the church door wasn’t the brightest idea.


Major James Dumpling invites you to his “Home Made Wine Tasting.” We agreed to advertise it but don’t really recommend you to go. Drop into “Rodney’s Rest” any time between 8am and midnight. The Parsnip and Peapod is hideous.


We’re pleased to say that Melissa has been released due to lack of evidence. Her poetry reading for Autumn, “Sex, Death and Fallen Leaves” will now be today at 8pm, in Grilsby Hall. Parental Advisory 16+ only.


Autumn Tidy-Up at Woodby. The wolves have reproduced rapidly due to the mild Spring. So please wear gloves.


Well-dressing at Gt Tremlett, 12 noon. Please bring a pointy stick to ward off Protestants.


Frida’s Fish Supper at 4 Pagan Place, Woody Chapel. Proceeds to the Trim Valley Inter-Faith Group : encouraging dialogue between Wodenists and Christians since that awful incident with King Peafa of Mercia.


Would you like to spend two hours in peaceful reflective silence? We need volunteers to run the Little Tremlett Book Stall.

Writes of the Church: Notices w/c 13 August

Please note the Vicar is now on holiday for a fortnight. The Wardens have his number and will contact him if there are any major (or minor) emergencies. You can also reach him via Twitter at @nottheCofE

Sunday 13 August : Vespers in the Old Latin Rite will be lead by Canon Vyvyan Westcliffe. 6pm at Grilsby on the Hill

Monday 14th : Coffee morning at Great Tremlett. Raising funds to buy some better quality coffee. 10am – noon

Tuesday 15th: “Why the Vicar is Wrong about Almost Everything” – a talk by Dr Ireland. Woodby, 8pm

Wednesday 16th: A talk on Cybersecurity, as Romilly explains why the idiot vicar shouldn’t have left her the password to the WordPress account

Thursday 17th: Melissa Sparrow – “A Life in Poetry”. Melissa will be talking about life, love and death. Mostly death. In fact, almost entirely death to be frank.

Friday 18th: Bric a Brac Sale, Little Tremlett, 10 am – 1pm.  Is there an endless source of unusable junk? Join us as we test out the theory again.

Saturday 19th: Mothers’ Union Bingo – 8pm in Gt Tremlett Church Hall. Please bring a bottle of gin.



The Grouse

Dear Sir

A special poem for this special day. I would like you to image a grouse, Gerry, and his pal, Larry, frolicking on a perfect August morning.

The moorlands vast rise up to the sky
‘gainst black-edged clouds the eagles fly
and Larry, my good friend and I,
run through the gorse.

A yellow sun will graze the burns
As, fading, it to winter turns
And dabbling ducks and happy terns
Splash in a pool.

Men’s shadows, long across the moor
The men so certain, calm and sure
Oh bugger – is that a 12-bore?
Run, Larry! Run!

Death, death death
Death, death, death
Death, death, death.

Wishing you a truly “Glorious Twelfth”

Melissa Sparrow (Mrs), The Hollow, Grilsby-on-the-Hill

This Week’s Notices

Sunday 23rd – Evensong at 6pm tonight will be at Grilsby. It would be really nice if people from the other churches could turn up. As nobody from Grilsby ever does. Please don’t bother turning up for Compline as we won’t have to try and sing that hymn if you don’t and I really can’t be bothered with it.
Monday 24th – Mothers’ Union viewing of “Game of Thrones”.

Tuesday 25th – Beetle Drive. Please bring your own beetle and tiny whip.

Wednesday 26th – Carol Service Rehearsal, Gt Tremlett, 8pm

Thursday 27th – “Lord of the Dance – the Electro-Punk Symphony” – Woodby, 7.30 – midnight. Adults only.

Friday 28th – Senior Citizens Paintball 2pm, “The Slaughterhouse”, Woodby Forest Nature Reserve

Saturday 29th – Churchyard Tidy-Up at Little Tremlett!  After last year’s events can people only bring chainsaws if they are appropriately accredited and not on strong medication.

Church Notices – 16 July 2017

Tonight’s Evensong would be at Grilsby on the Hill. But really, what’s the point?

Monday 17th: Cubs 7pm Little Tremlett Church Hall. This week it’s the “Conflict Resolution Badge”.

Tuesday 18th 8pm:  Dr Ireland will be leading her Morality Task Force on a sweep of Barebottom Spinney. And when we say “sweep” – she is planning to take the yard brush with the particularly spiky bristles. So stay well away from all hanky panky, is our advice.

Wednesday 19th: Woodby Chapel Men’s Fellowship. Simon Donut will be sitting in the chapel on his own, remembering his departed friends.

Thursday 20th: 2 pm last “Tiny Tots” of the school year at Gt Tremlett Church Hall. We plan to use the summer months to remove glitter from the floor. Any offers of industrial grinding equipment will be grarefully received.

7pm: Bell Ringing practice at Little Tremlett. Toby reckons he’s worked out how we can ring the best of Daft Punk. Bring a few lagers.

Friday 21st: Coffee morning at Great Tremlett. Followed by a skimmity ride to Nathaneal Brakebones’s house. Dr Ireland to provide photographic evidence.

Saturday 22nd 8am: Men’s Breakfast at Great Tremlett. Please bring an egg.