Trim Valley Notices w/c 26 November

Please note that it is not Christmas, and the local Residents’ Association is vicious. Last year they raided three houses for putting up Christmas lights before Gaudete Sunday. Don’t chance it.

Sunday – Christ the King

Please do not touch the sheep (or goats) that we will be using at the service at St Mary’s. We need them calm or Jeb will be cleaning the church floor for weeks.


Christmas Carol Service planning meeting – Great Tremlett Church Hall 6pm

Nativity Service planning meeting – Little Tremlett Church Hall 7pm

Christingle Service planning meeting – Woodby Church Hall 8pm

Please pray for the Vicar who has to be at all of them.  Apparently.


Beer and Carols planning meeting – The Hanged Man 6pm

9 Lessons and Carols planning meeting – Grilsby Church Hall

Holiday Club planning meeting – Woodby Chapel End Reading Room

We have no idea why Woodby Chapel End are holding this meeting. Not only is it 8 months till they are planning this event – there aren’t any children in the village. 


Toddlers Group meet at 2pm, Little Tremlett Church Hall. We do not know how the toddlers have organised this, and we’re quite scared.


Open House at “Rodney’s Rest” Mrs Dumpling is going shopping in London, and this is her best chance of getting what is essentially baby sitting for Major James. Please supply your own drink, as there’s no way James will have any left.


The Mobile Library visits. Why not borrow some excellent spiritual reading in preparation for Advent? Because the “Religion and Spirituality” section consists of a book on Dowsing and “The Road Less Travelled”, that’s why. Ironically, for a mobile library.


The annual Tea Cosy Stall during coffee morning at Little Tremlett. Please come and buy a tea cosy. Nobody even has a tea pot these days, but Angela’s been knitting them since last Advent and it makes her feel useful.

Sunday – Advent 1

Note this Sunday that the first and second candles to be lit are purple. We will light the pink candle on the third Sunday. Anybody smirking at the expression “the pink candle” should grow up. We do not light the pink candle on the fourth Sunday of Advent for Our Lady “because she’s a girl.” That’s not how it works.

Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. And don’t forget it’s nearly Christmas!
escaped donkey


Trim Valley Notices w/c 12 November

Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews


Please remember that no poppies are to be worn at the Remembrance Services today. Last year an argument broke out between the people wearing red poppies and those wearing white. We promised ourselves we never want to see that kind of bloodshed again.


Benefice Mission Committee meeting cancelled. they just can’t raise the energy to get together. So going out into the world making disciples is going to be quite a stretch.


Trim Valley Ringers – handbell practice in Grilsby Church Hall. This week’s arrangement will be an Anglican version of an old Prodigy favourite: “Smack my Bishop.”


Lt Tremlett PCC 8pm. The heating has gone in the hall, so please bring a pail of coal and a sleeping bag.


80s Disco Nite at Woodby, 8 till late (about 9.30). The St John’s ambulance will be there and we’ve got the new defibrillator. So put on your knee brace, get some heat into your joints and come along with the Eye of the Tiger! Are “friends” electric? Well their mobility buggies certainly are!


Sub-committee for looking into the reducing the number of committees will be meeting from 8 till 10. Last time they met they suggested setting up another committee to define the other committees’ terms and references. So that will be meeting next week.


Pre-Advent Fayre, Gt Tremlett. After last year when we had to declare a 20″ exclusion zone, the scented candles stall will be outside. Mavis will be running the slightly-broken nick-nacks stall for the 70th year running. Can someone please buy that china shepherdess? It’s been there for the full history of the stall.



Trim Valley Notices : w/c 17 September

Sunday 17 : Due to ongoing copyright issues, this week’s Taize service is in the style of the Rend Collective. Please bring a beard.

Monday 18 : Beetle Drive, Lt Tremlett Church Hall, 8pm. Please bring a very small sheepdog.

Tuesday 19 : Choir Auditions at Gt Tremlett, 7.30. Can you hold a tune? Do you like singing? Will you try and do what the organist is directing? Then you’re gonna be an improvement on the current lot. Please come along before Maisie runs amok with a fire extinguisher again.

Wednesday 20 : Mothers’ Union will be re-enacting the Death of the Duke of Monmouth on the Heath, 2pm

Please note – Evening Prayer at Gt Tremlett will be at 5.09 instead of 5.07.

Thursday 21 : Harvest Auction of shrivelled marrows and mouldy raspberries, Woodby Church. Please bring small change and smaller expectations.

Friday 22 : Official Release date of “Writes of the Church”, the book that came out of this blog. All welcome to go to the BRF website (other retailers are available) and part with a hard-earned £6.99 to get something a bit like this, only funnier and printed on paper.

Saturday 23 : Mildred Flosset’s Bacon Sandwich Marathon – the Hanged Man, 1 pm. Can Mildred break last year’s record of 17? All sponsorship to be split between St Mary’s, Tremlett and the Banburyshire Chapter of Modern Paganism.

Sunday 24 : Harvest Festival at all churches at the following times:

  • Gt Tremlett : 10:08 am
  • Lt Tremlett : 9 am
  • Woodby : 11:15 am
  • Woodby Chapel : 12 noon
  • Grilsby : 8 am

All other Sunday and weekday services are cancelled so Nathan and Joanna can recover. Given that Revd Joanna is going to be leaving shortly, Nathan is desperately checking the jobs ads in the Church Times to see if he can get out before next year. We know it’s traditional for every church to have its Harvest in the morning, on the 4th Sunday of September. We know it goes back 400 years. But for pity’s sake, have mercy.

Trim Valley Notices : w/c 10 September

Sun : Please note that “Lord of the Dance” is on the order at every service today. This only counts as one tick on the “Hymn Board Bingo” competion, regardless of how many services you attend.

Mon : Was Jesus an Egyptian? Were the Wise Men time travellers? Did St Paul suffer from constipation? Mildred will share these and other ludicrous ideas in her lecture, “Books I bought from the 2nd hand stall on my holiday in Cornwall.”

Tue : Do you have an interest in drains? The Drains Working Party will be working on the drains at Woodby from 10 am. Last time, they were blocked by giant balls of badger fat – what wonders will we discover this time?

Wed : The Healing Meeting at Tremlett Well has been cancelled due to illness.

Thu : Trim Valley Baking Society will be making “Maureen’s Munchies Cakes,” with a special ingredient her husband Arthur grows on the allotment. Please bring a Mars Bar.

Fri : “Tremlett Trotters” meet for a four mile walk through Hangman’s Woods. Jeb will illustrate this walk with the history of “Ropey Kev,” the last hangman in the village, who continued to practice until 1994.

Sat : “Strictly Come Dancing” : Inspired by Revd Richard Coles, we will be holding the Trim Valley’s very own competion! Put on the spray tan! Sprinkle those sequins! Put on appropriate amounts of surgical support! It’s Bossa Nova Night!

NB : weekend leave has been cancelled for the Banburyshire Ambulance Service.

Next Sunday is the last date of the year to nominate for Witch Ducking before Tremlett Pond gets too cold. Please give the nomination forms to Dr Ireland.


Church Notices : 6 August

Sunday 6 August : Choral Evensong at Woodby Chapel, 4pm. Since the choir and organist are on strike we will be using the Mission Praise 1 CDs. Bring your 80s hair and nylon suits.

Monday 7 : Croquet on the Vicarage Lawn. 6 pm till 9 pm. Please note that after last year’s riots, it is stricltly non-alcoholic drinks.

Tuesday 8 : Meeting to discuss how to improve ministry to poor people. 8pm at Cholmondeley Manor. Please knock at the servant’s entrance.

Wednesday 9 : Major James Dumpling’s Cocktails party. An evening of irresponsible experimentation. Starts at 8. If James is asleep already, just fix yourself a drink. Please bring a bottle of left over spirits you unwisely bought in Duty Free in 1994, and a bucket.

Thursday 10 : Committee meeting to sort the agenda for next week’s agenda-preparing meeting.

Friday 11 : A workshop on Writing Below-the-Line comments on the Guardian’s “Comment is Free” pages. Six anonymous teenage boys tell us that nobody understands them, and they are really really clever and funny.

Saturday 12 : 8pm prayer meeting at Dr Ireland’s : “Praying the vicar comes back from his holidays refreshed, and less of a heretic.”

Sunday 13 August : Revd Nathan’s Holiday starts. Thank you to Canon Vyvyan Westclyff who will be covering in his absence. NB every baptism and wedding planned in the benefice this year will be taking place in the next fortnight. Very reasonable terms.

Notices: w/c 30 July 2017

Please note if you are reading this notice sheet in Woodby Chapel, the service today is in Great Tremlett.  We’ll start 10 minutes late to let you get over here.

Sun 30th: “All Together” at Great Tremlett – the launch of our Holiday Club, “Nehemiah Rap”.

Mon 31st: Holiday Club at Little Tremlett (10am – noon)

Mon 31st 11.30pm: Mildred Flossett’s “Modern Paganism” group will be assembling on Grilsby Down to celebrate Lammas Eve. A festival of youth, life, fertility and the love of nature. In Gt Tremlett Church Hall if wet.

Tue 1st August: Holiday Club at Woodby (10.05-12.15)

Mothers’ Union Film Night: “Apocalypse Now” 8pm, Woodby Chapel

Wed 2nd : Holiday Club at Grilsby-on-the-Hill (9.54-12.16)

Vicarage Garden Party: 8pm in Chomondeley Hall

Thu 3rd : Holiday Club at Woodby Chapel End (10.01-12.12)

Fish and Chip Seaside Supper – 5pm at Little Tremlett

Fri 4th : Holiday Club at Great Tremletet (10am – noon)

Post-Holiday Club drinks for leaders : Quiet Woman, Grilsby, 1pm – closing

Sat 5th : May be a bit blank

Sun 6th : NB service at Woodby Chapel is cancelled as they’re all going to Hunstanton for the day.

Great Tremlett: “Bring your uncle to church day”