Writes of the Church – the Paperback

Looking for a Christmas present for the Christian churchgoer in your life? Or are you in need of a humorous book to make you laugh at and think about the church? Well you probably need “Writes of the Church – Gripes and Grumbles of People in the Pews” – a perfect stocking filler. From Amazon, The Bible Reading Fellowship, Church House Bookshop, Salisbury College Bookshop, Southwark Cathedral… and other good Christian bookshops.cropped-writes-cover-square.jpg


Trim Valley Notices : w/c 17 September

Sunday 17 : Due to ongoing copyright issues, this week’s Taize service is in the style of the Rend Collective. Please bring a beard.

Monday 18 : Beetle Drive, Lt Tremlett Church Hall, 8pm. Please bring a very small sheepdog.

Tuesday 19 : Choir Auditions at Gt Tremlett, 7.30. Can you hold a tune? Do you like singing? Will you try and do what the organist is directing? Then you’re gonna be an improvement on the current lot. Please come along before Maisie runs amok with a fire extinguisher again.

Wednesday 20 : Mothers’ Union will be re-enacting the Death of the Duke of Monmouth on the Heath, 2pm

Please note – Evening Prayer at Gt Tremlett will be at 5.09 instead of 5.07.

Thursday 21 : Harvest Auction of shrivelled marrows and mouldy raspberries, Woodby Church. Please bring small change and smaller expectations.

Friday 22 : Official Release date of “Writes of the Church”, the book that came out of this blog. All welcome to go to the BRF website (other retailers are available) and part with a hard-earned £6.99 to get something a bit like this, only funnier and printed on paper.

Saturday 23 : Mildred Flosset’s Bacon Sandwich Marathon – the Hanged Man, 1 pm. Can Mildred break last year’s record of 17? All sponsorship to be split between St Mary’s, Tremlett and the Banburyshire Chapter of Modern Paganism.

Sunday 24 : Harvest Festival at all churches at the following times:

  • Gt Tremlett : 10:08 am
  • Lt Tremlett : 9 am
  • Woodby : 11:15 am
  • Woodby Chapel : 12 noon
  • Grilsby : 8 am

All other Sunday and weekday services are cancelled so Nathan and Joanna can recover. Given that Revd Joanna is going to be leaving shortly, Nathan is desperately checking the jobs ads in the Church Times to see if he can get out before next year. We know it’s traditional for every church to have its Harvest in the morning, on the 4th Sunday of September. We know it goes back 400 years. But for pity’s sake, have mercy.

Trim Valley Notices : w/c 10 September

Sun : Please note that “Lord of the Dance” is on the order at every service today. This only counts as one tick on the “Hymn Board Bingo” competion, regardless of how many services you attend.

Mon : Was Jesus an Egyptian? Were the Wise Men time travellers? Did St Paul suffer from constipation? Mildred will share these and other ludicrous ideas in her lecture, “Books I bought from the 2nd hand stall on my holiday in Cornwall.”

Tue : Do you have an interest in drains? The Drains Working Party will be working on the drains at Woodby from 10 am. Last time, they were blocked by giant balls of badger fat – what wonders will we discover this time?

Wed : The Healing Meeting at Tremlett Well has been cancelled due to illness.

Thu : Trim Valley Baking Society will be making “Maureen’s Munchies Cakes,” with a special ingredient her husband Arthur grows on the allotment. Please bring a Mars Bar.

Fri : “Tremlett Trotters” meet for a four mile walk through Hangman’s Woods. Jeb will illustrate this walk with the history of “Ropey Kev,” the last hangman in the village, who continued to practice until 1994.

Sat : “Strictly Come Dancing” : Inspired by Revd Richard Coles, we will be holding the Trim Valley’s very own competion! Put on the spray tan! Sprinkle those sequins! Put on appropriate amounts of surgical support! It’s Bossa Nova Night!

NB : weekend leave has been cancelled for the Banburyshire Ambulance Service.

Next Sunday is the last date of the year to nominate for Witch Ducking before Tremlett Pond gets too cold. Please give the nomination forms to Dr Ireland.


Church Notices : 6 August

Sunday 6 August : Choral Evensong at Woodby Chapel, 4pm. Since the choir and organist are on strike we will be using the Mission Praise 1 CDs. Bring your 80s hair and nylon suits.

Monday 7 : Croquet on the Vicarage Lawn. 6 pm till 9 pm. Please note that after last year’s riots, it is stricltly non-alcoholic drinks.

Tuesday 8 : Meeting to discuss how to improve ministry to poor people. 8pm at Cholmondeley Manor. Please knock at the servant’s entrance.

Wednesday 9 : Major James Dumpling’s Cocktails party. An evening of irresponsible experimentation. Starts at 8. If James is asleep already, just fix yourself a drink. Please bring a bottle of left over spirits you unwisely bought in Duty Free in 1994, and a bucket.

Thursday 10 : Committee meeting to sort the agenda for next week’s agenda-preparing meeting.

Friday 11 : A workshop on Writing Below-the-Line comments on the Guardian’s “Comment is Free” pages. Six anonymous teenage boys tell us that nobody understands them, and they are really really clever and funny.

Saturday 12 : 8pm prayer meeting at Dr Ireland’s : “Praying the vicar comes back from his holidays refreshed, and less of a heretic.”

Sunday 13 August : Revd Nathan’s Holiday starts. Thank you to Canon Vyvyan Westclyff who will be covering in his absence. NB every baptism and wedding planned in the benefice this year will be taking place in the next fortnight. Very reasonable terms.

Notices: w/c 30 July 2017

Please note if you are reading this notice sheet in Woodby Chapel, the service today is in Great Tremlett.  We’ll start 10 minutes late to let you get over here.

Sun 30th: “All Together” at Great Tremlett – the launch of our Holiday Club, “Nehemiah Rap”.

Mon 31st: Holiday Club at Little Tremlett (10am – noon)

Mon 31st 11.30pm: Mildred Flossett’s “Modern Paganism” group will be assembling on Grilsby Down to celebrate Lammas Eve. A festival of youth, life, fertility and the love of nature. In Gt Tremlett Church Hall if wet.

Tue 1st August: Holiday Club at Woodby (10.05-12.15)

Mothers’ Union Film Night: “Apocalypse Now” 8pm, Woodby Chapel

Wed 2nd : Holiday Club at Grilsby-on-the-Hill (9.54-12.16)

Vicarage Garden Party: 8pm in Chomondeley Hall

Thu 3rd : Holiday Club at Woodby Chapel End (10.01-12.12)

Fish and Chip Seaside Supper – 5pm at Little Tremlett

Fri 4th : Holiday Club at Great Tremletet (10am – noon)

Post-Holiday Club drinks for leaders : Quiet Woman, Grilsby, 1pm – closing

Sat 5th : May be a bit blank

Sun 6th : NB service at Woodby Chapel is cancelled as they’re all going to Hunstanton for the day.

Great Tremlett: “Bring your uncle to church day”