Been but not Heard

Interesting PCC at Woodby Chapel End, yesterday. I went along to talk about the forthcoming Benefice Apple Day, but they let me stay till the end.

They’ve had a couple of instances of children in the church lately, and they clearly want to stamp that kind of thing out. So Ivy was suggesting a sign on the door:

“CHILDREN ARE WELCOME

But please ensure they have been to the toilet before they come to church.

Please remove crying babies immediately.

Please do not allow your children to run around during the service.

Ensure your children are provided with quiet toys, and books that they can read without asking for assistance.

Please keep children off the pews.

Please do not bring children forward during communion, as their presence distracts others during what should be a holy and personal spiritual moment.

Please do not let children play with the holy water by the door.

Please keep them out of the font.

Out of respect for the dead, do not allow children to play in the church yard..

There is tea and coffee after the service. Please bring your own fruit juice, which we cannot provide for health and safety reasons.”

I’ll never learn not to be satirical. I suggested maybe they should amend it to simply “If you have children –  please bring them back in 20 years. I wasn’t expecting that to be put forward as an amendment. I certainly didn’t think it would be passed.

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