Why they skip Breakfast on Third Saturdays

Maybe I’ll never get used to the ways of this part of the countryside.

I went down to the Church Hall for “Big Breakfast” as usual, only to find it was closed. Catching up with Nadine on the way up Dag Street – I thought I might as well buy a newspaper, while they still exist – I was reminded of how it works.

“Big Breakfast” doesn’t happen on Third Saturdays, as that is the Saturday in the month when Gwladys goes to the Baptist church in Grimble for their Jumble Sale. She’s always gone back for their Jumble Sale, in accordance with a promise she made 40 years ago, when she married a Tremlett boy and moved away from the town.

Of course, Gwladys is the woman who cooks the bacon at the Big Breakfast. I did ask Nadine why nobody else can just cook the bacon instead, but I’ve been told that nobody would like to tread on anyone’s toes. Cooking the bacon is very important to Gwladys. And such an idea, especially from someone like me who’s an incomer to the situation, would go down terribly badly.

In that case, I asked, why do they not put a notice up at the church hall? Ah, says Nadine, because that would give people the clue that somebody was away. And then they’ll eventually work out it’s Gwladys. And then they might turn her house over while she’s out.

It must be a great comfort to Gwladys, knowing that if she ever gets burgled on a Third Saturday, the offender will be somebody she knows quite well.

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